When Your Flexibility Becomes The Shock Absorber
It's Thursday. 1:45pm.
My calendar notification pops up: Athletics Meet Karla @ School.
I need to leave in an hour. Before that, I want to finish the self-development worksheet for my coaching client. I also want to write a LinkedIn post. And I haven't posted an Instagram story in three days. Oh, and the dog needs a walk.
I can feel the weighing-off moment creeping in. The guilt when I choose my children over my work. These constant trade-offs that leave me feeling like neither a good enough parent nor a good enough professional.
This isn't just today. It's a recurring pattern.
This robot feeling. Not "busy" or "overwhelmed" - but not in control of my own agency. Someone else has the remote.
The flexibility trap. What a paradox. I built my portable coaching business to have control of time and place. But when you're the only flexible one in a household of rigid schedules - corporate job, school, sports, and just normal life happening - your flexibility becomes the shock absorber for everyone else's activities. You absorb all the unpredictability.
The guilt runs both ways. "Real work" versus dog walks, my own swimming, athletics meets, doctor visits, etc. The everyday list that fills my days, which feels equally important: running a household of five (including dog and garden patch), volunteer work at school. But shouldn't I be working in and on my business way more to make it truly successful?
The corporate pull. This feels most uncomfortable to admit publicly as a coach. The desire to go back. Not because entrepreneurship failed. But for structure. For colleagues. For employee engagement or L&D work that would let me do systems-level work with boundaries someone else enforces.
The expat layer. My mom in Germany needs me sometimes too. But I'm not there. This isn't just logistics. It's a whole extra dimension of impossible mathematics.
I don't have this figured out. Some days follow the playbook. Many are improvised.
And here I am. Helping people navigate transitions. Especially the messy middles. And finding myself in the thick of it. Navigating motherhood, household, and career like so many other working parents. Expats or not expats. Globally mobile or not globally mobile.
I thought flexibility was freedom. Some days it is and I'm truly grateful. But many days it just made me the shock absorber for everyone else's schedule and unpredictability.
Warmly, Viviane
PS: The salad in the picture is from yesterday's Sustainability Fair at school. Grown and sold by our Grade 4s. So proud of them! And yes, I chose to visit this fair instead of writing this article earlier.
Viviane is an Integral® Career & Leadership Coach based in Dubai, specializing in transitions and belonging for globally mobile professionals. With 15+ years in FMCG leadership and as a mother of three Third Culture Kids, she helps clients navigate change with awareness and self-compassion - personally and professionally.
P.S. If you’re navigating a career transition or feeling stuck between “too experienced” and “not quite there yet,” let’s talk. Book a free chemistry session and explore what’s possible when you stop fitting in and start exploring.
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