Cash or Card? We Didn't Pay at All.
Oman - Road to Fazayah Beach
We're just back from four days in Oman
Midterm break. A slower pace. One of my sons wanted to go scuba diving.
So, we walked into the hotel's dive office at 5:57pm.
The woman behind the desk smiled: "Do you want to pay cash or card?"
I froze.
There was no question about my child's dive experience.
No mention of certifications.
No introduction to their instructor or safety protocols.
Just: cash or card?
When she saw my face, she quickly added, "Don't worry, he'll be safe with us."
Don't worry.
And here's the thing: I'd already decided to say yes. My son wanted this. I wanted to give it to him.
But she jumped straight to the transaction before creating the conditions for trust.
Take a wild guess whether we paid?
We walked out.
What she missed, and what we all miss sometimes
I needed three things before I could say yes:
The instructor's qualifications
Their safety protocols
To feel like they actually cared that I was trusting them with my child
That's not unreasonable. That's what trust requires.
And she skipped it entirely.
This happens everywhere, to all of us
We announce changes and expect people to just "roll with it."
We forget to acknowledge the uncertainty or ask what people need to navigate the transition.
We jump straight to solutions before understanding what's been tried or what's actually keeping someone stuck.
We ask for trust but forget to create the conditions where trust can actually grow.
It's often rushed. It’s assumed. Well-intentioned but incomplete.
We skip the part where we slow down and ask: What do you need from me to feel good about this?
We rush to "cash or card?" before we've built the foundation.
And then we wonder why trust feels so hard to build. Why alignment feels so tricky.
Here's the other part that doesn't get talked about enough
Saying no wasn't easy.
I wasn't just declining a dive. I was disappointing my child, who was standing right there.
That's uncomfortable. That makes you feel like the difficult one.
But I've learned this: when you say yes to things that violate your values or don't meet your needs, you end up resentful.
Anxious. Second-guessing yourself.
So I said no.
Not because I'm difficult. Because I'm clear on what I need to feel aligned with my decisions.
How do we create this feeling of alignment to make “good” decisions?
In coaching, we talk about head, heart, and gut alignment:
HEAD: Logically, scuba diving made sense. The timing worked. The price was fine.
HEART: My values (trust, transparency, empathy) weren't being met. Something felt off.
GUT: My intuition was screaming wait. Not because of the dive itself, but because of how this was being handled.
When all three don't align? That's your signal. Most people override their gut because the head says it makes sense. Or they ignore their values because everyone else seems fine with it.
But here's what I know from working with leaders navigating career crossroads and life transitions: the decisions that haunt you are the ones where you knew something was off and said yes anyway.
Your turn
Where have you jumped to "cash or card" too fast? With your team, your partner, your kids?
And where have you walked away because someone else skipped building trust with you?
We've all been on both sides.
Write me an email or drop a comment. I read every single one.
Warmly, Viviane
P.S. This is the kind of insight I share every week in my newsletter: real stories from life and leadership, with frameworks you can actually use. Subscribe here so you don't miss the next one.